ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!
by fitzefitcher
Summary: As the title states, this fiction contains Spawn of various Pairings in FMA. It's complete crack, and I may do requests, depending if I like pairing or not.
1. Malice

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 1: **MALICE**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

"Bye, Mama! I'll see you later!"

"Do your best, _Malice!_"

A small, pale-skinned girl walked out of her house, head bowed slightly. Her long, wavy black hair hung over most of her face, hiding her lavender eyes. She wore a plain, white dress and clutched a small, tiger-shaped bag to her chest.

Her name was Malice, and she was six years old.

Now, Malice was a naturally timid person; she was quiet and reserved, unusual traits for a six-year-old. If you add that, her strange eye color, and the natural cruelty of children, you'll find that she has very low self-esteem. No one wanted to talk to the creepy, purple-eyed _ghost _girl. Oh, no, heaven forbid that she might actually be a person.

_Mommy was wrong… _she thought sadly. _No one will like me. _She continued to walk to the small elementary school at the other end of the street. She came to a particularly scary-looking alley. Nervous, she walked a little faster. She sighed in relief when she finally passed it, but-

"Hi there!" said a cheerful voice at her back. She risked a look, and saw it was a fellow classmate, book bag and all.

She was slightly tanned, her blond hair in pigtails, and her eyes light violet. She wore a black-and-white striped shirt, jeans, and had a red book bag strapped to her back.

"Hello…" Malice said quietly, continuing to walk.

"I'm Avarita!" she chirped. "But that's too _long,_ so you can call me Ava-chan!" She paused, seeing if Malice would talk. She didn't.

"So you aren't going to tell me yours? That's awfully rude of you! Or maybe you don't have a voice? That's kinda strange. You're strange. I like that."

"I don't like my name all that much…" said Malice. "You probably won't, either…"

"C'mon, it can't be that bad!"

"…Malice."

"Malice? Doesn't that mean 'hatred?' It's not as bad as 'Avarita'- Mama says that it means 'greed' in Latin. Does that mean I was named after my dad? What's Latin, anyway? It sounds like satin. Satin feels nice. Satin sounds like Satan. Papa says Satan is very, very bad. Hey, Malice?"

"Yes…?"

"What's a 'Satan'?"

"Satan is… a very bad person. He used to live in heaven, but he got kicked out because he did really bad things. Now he lives… there…" she said quietly, pointing at the cement beneath her feet.

"Where? Hell?" Malice did a double-take- Avarita-san did _not _just say that. Avarita noticed her double-take and laughed.

"Sorry. Papa's a bad influence on me. Well, that's what Draco says…" She continued to ramble, and Malice listened patiently. Eventually, they came to the entrance of the school.

"See you later, Malice!" exclaimed Avarita cheerfully. She ran in, up the steps, and Malice followed slowly, dragging her feet once more. True, she was slightly happier at the prospect of finding a friend-like figure, but… they probably weren't even in the same class. Sighing, she walked into the correct class and took her seat at the very back. Only a few kids were there, huddled together in already-forming cliques. She sighed, and prepared herself for the verbal abuse that she knew was coming.

It was then that the class idiot walked in, strutting about like he owned the place. His posse closely followed, and the classroom became a hell of a lot louder than it was before. The idiot approached her in his own way, i.e., ramming into her desk and knocking her bag off it.

"Oh, _sorry_-"he began, drawing out his amazingly annoying voice. She bent over and picked up her bag, then put it on her desk. He stared at her eyes and said "Eww, you have purple eyes, you freak!" She just ignored that comment and became immensely interested with the pencil marks on her desk. "Hey, look at this girl's eyes!!" he said to his companions. "Aren't they _weird_?"

"What's so 'weird' about them?"

Malice looked up- there was Avarita, by her side, standing up for her! "Well? What's so strange about Mali-chan's eyes? So what if they're purple. What if I just started teasin' you abou' your brown eyes? They're so plain and boring! I'd rather have awesome purple eyes than plain brown eyes any day!"

The idiot and his comrades looked confused for a minute.

Then the idiot started to say something.

"Well-"

"No! You shut up! Just shut up and go away or I'll punch ya in the face!" Malice looked at her hand, which had a strange, blue tinge covering it. To put it simply, they ran like hell.

"T-Thank you…"

"Anything for a friend."

Spawn 1: **END**

_So, did you figure out whose spawn Malice was? No? The answer is…_

**ENVY X LUST**


	2. Draco

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 2: **DRACO**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

Draco wasn't at all like his father.

At least, that's what he thought.

But in looks, he was almost _exactly _like him.

He was a perfect miniature, _except _for his army-green eyes.

He got those from his mum.

He was quite articulate for an eight-year-old, and a hell of a lot calmer as well. However, he didn't take too kindly to those that threatened his family; I do believe his last attacker is still in rehab.

That's how much he cares for his family.

That's why he was a little concerned when his younger sibling left for school without him. He didn't bother to go find her; she could take care of herself. He was more concerned for the people she'd meet on the way; they'd either lose their sanity or lose a limb. You'd think that Kimbley would be her dad by looking at how crazy she was. But, she had inherited the "shark teeth" gene, proving her to be of her father's brood.

"I'm leaving now!" he yelled over the anarchy that was his home. "Don't destroy anything or Mum'll be pissed!" He calmly walked out of his home and down the lane, occasionally looking about for his sister.

He spotted her a little ways ahead; she was talking to another girl around her age. _She must have a _lot _of patience, _he thought as he watched his sibling babbling at the poor girl. _Or she just isn't listening. Yeah, it's probably that, _he concluded in his mind.

They eventually made it to the school, and he impatiently awaited recess, to see his sister, and possibly her newfound companion.

As soon as the bell rang, he walked to the door outside and waited, unlike the other children who rushed out like feral, untamed beasts. He spotted Avarita among them, and dragged her out of the stampede. She seemed to have another being attached to her arm, one that was clinging for dear life.

"Huh? What the- Oh, hi, Draco!"

"Hello, Ava-chan. Who's this?" he asked politely, gesturing towards the figure next to her.

"This is Mali-chan!" 'Mali-chan' looked a bit flustered at her new nickname.

"T-That's not my name-"

"'Mali-chan' is cuter than 'Malice,'" Avarita explained cheerfully.

"You're right. It _is _cuter." Malice blushed. He then flicked Avarita's forehead.

"Oww-!!"

"What have I told you about forcing nicknames on people before you know them? You could've _offended_ her without even realizing it!"

"Sorry-!"

"Don't apologize to _me! _Apologize to _her!_" He smacked her upside the head.

"S-Sorry Mali-chan- I mean, Malice-san," she said, rubbing her head, slightly embarrassed.

"It's alright, really… Ava-chan."

Spawn 2: **END**

_So, did you figure out whose spawn Draco was? No? The answer is…_

**GREED X MARTA**


	3. Avarita

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 3: **AVARITA**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

Avarita was your average six-year-old when it came to personality, meaning that she was energetic, tactless, and simply _refused _to shut up.

But when it came to body…

Well, now. That's a different story.

It's not that she _looked _different, other than being slightly smaller than most kids her age; it's just that she _was _different, and she often flaunted it to anyone who'd listen, much to their annoyance.

You see, she was a unique crossbreed of two things:

A chimera and a homunculus.

Once you looked at her and thought about it, you could see the characteristics of both: the pointy, shark-like teeth, the lightly tanned skin, the light, honey-colored hair… oh, and let's not forget the ouroburos on her left hand.

Fortunately (unfortunately, in her point-of-view), nobody really listened long enough to hear about the ouroburos.

Until now.

Avarita was overjoyed when she discovered her new best friend, Malice. Malice, being as patient as she was, had listened to every word she said, and even admitted to having an ouroburos, too! The thought of that excited her, so she did what any child would do:

"Lemme see it! I wanna see it! Show me, show me!"

"…I can't."

"…Whuh? Why??"

"It would hurt. My dress is too choky at the neck."

"Where's your dragon thingy?"

"Here." She pointed to the area just below her collar bone.

"Ohh… Okay! Hold still for a minute, 'kay?"

"…What? Ava-chan, what're you doing?"

"Just trust me on this one, okay?" Her right hand turned clawed. She carefully made a tear, starting from the neckline and ending just about the collar bone.

"There! Better now?"

"Yes. Thank you, Ava-chan…" She smiled appreciatively.

"Now, show me! Show me!!" she said, spazzing. Malice giggled a little bit, then pulled down the tear slightly, revealing the wings of the ouroburos. Avarita looked up and said "I wanna see all of it!"

"A-Ano… But…" Her eyes darted to the side nervously, her face blushing slightly. Avarita looked, and saw the same group of kids that had teased her earlier… and her brother.

"Oh, I see." Malice sighed with relief. "Draco- C'mere 'n be a shield." She squeaked slightly.

"What am I doing, now?" he asked walking over.

"Just keep standing there, okay?"

"Of _course, _your highness," he replied sarcastically, but remained standing.

"Okay, now let's see!" She blushed a little more, but complied, pulling down the neckline just enough to see the symbol and nothing else.

"Oh, so you have an ouroburos, too?" Draco said offhandedly.

"I have/ she has a what?"

He sighed.

"She has a dragon thingy," he said simply.

"Oh," they replied in unison.

"What's that on your hand?" said an obnoxious voice. Malice quickly released the collar, and it returned to normal.

"What's what?" said Draco innocently, turning around. Malice peeked over his shoulder timidly. Avarita, being short and unable to see around him, walked in front of him. It turns out it was the same kid who had picked on Malice earlier.

"That weird snake thing on your hand," he continued, pointing at said object. "What _is _that? Did you _draw _that on there?" Avarita felt a sudden surge of rage run through her. How _dare _he insult her dragon thingy with such preposterous suggestions!

"Of _course _not!" she exclaimed, fists clenched in anger.

"Then how'd it get there?" he asked, unaware that he was wearing down what little patience she had. Draco seemed to realize.

"Blame my dad," he said bluntly, walking away and dragging his sister with him. Malice followed obediently, oblivious to the fact that the tear had lengthened, thanks to pulling it too hard. It now showed part of her ouroburos, which was spotted immediately.

"Wait, hold on!" he said, pulling back Malice. "_You've _got one, too?? I guess you're even _freakier _than I thought!"

It was then that Avarita snapped.

She tore away from Draco and proceeded to punch the kid in the gut, making him double over.

"I _told _you to stay away from Mali-chan!"

Spawn 3: **END**

_So, did you figure out whose spawn Avarita was? No? The answer is…_

**GREED X MARTA**


	4. Lance

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 4: **LANCE**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

Lance was very much like his father.

He was arrogant, lazy, and had a slight mean streak.

He had a soft spot for the girl he liked, though.

…if you can call repeatedly teasing her a soft spot.

He was incredibly paranoid (another quality obtained from his father), and thought everyone suspected him of liking her. So to cover it up, the teasing began. Everything went smoothly for a while…

…Until he got punched in the gut, by his crush's slightly crazed companion. He really was not expecting that; he just thought it was an empty threat.

It hurt so much, he almost cried.

Almost.

He stumbled back over to where his comrades were, sniffling, blond hair glinting in the sun. His hands were over his stomach, signaling that he was still in pain. A _lot _of pain. The bell rang about then, and the stampede was formed again, separating him from his companions, and dragging him back to the school. About an hour passed, and the day ended when he boarded the bus at about 1:30PM.

He really _did _feel bad about the teasing.

He just couldn't help it- if his friends knew, he'd never hear the end of it.

But still…

He frowned, deep in concentration.

Well… he could always ask for help from his sister.

Spawn 4: **END**

_So, did you guess whose spawn Lance was? No? The answer is…_

**ROY X RIZA**


	5. Ellie

….Um, hey. (Immediately pelted by rotten tomatoes among other things) AUGH!

SORRY! SORRY!! I'M A HORRIBLE AUTHOR, OKAY?!

…Erm, yes. I apologize for not updating in months and months. But this one's a twofer! You get a spawn, AND a mystery spawn:D

Oh, and this spawn was submitted by **Siacatmesecat**! Thank you very much!

FUTURE SUBMISSIONS MAY BE ACCEPTED, IF I APPROVE OF THE SPAWN.

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 5: **ELLIE**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

"…So, Elizabeth, what do you want to be when you grow up? Have any ideas?"

"I wanna be class president!"

'Ellie,' as she liked to be called, the coal-haired seven-year-old, disregarded the snickers heard from her fellow classmates.

"You don't grow up to be _class_ president, you dope! You grow up to be Fuhrer President!" retorted one of the smartass classmates.

"Yes, you do!!" she said stubbornly. She probably got her single-mindedness from her mother, but her dad was rather headstrong, too. "Class President is a job you get in high school, so _technically _I'd have to grow up a little to be class president!"

"Class, p-please calm down…" said the timid, frizzy-haired teacher, her coke-bottle glasses slightly askew.

"I don't wanna be Fuhrer yet 'cause then I'd be taking daddy's job! I'll _only _be president when he retires!!"

"Yeah, but class president isn't a real job!"

"Class, please-!!" struggled the obviously newbie teacher.

SCCREEEEEE-

"Dude. Calm down," said the spiky-haired boy at the chalkboard calmly. He quickly withdrew his… claw (?) from the board. He sat down in his seat next to smartass kid. "Now, as you were saying, Ms. Shieszka?" he said politely.

_…When did he get up? _Ellie thought vaguely.

"Well, Draco, since you were so kind as to quiet things down for me, why don't _you _go next?"

It was the first day of third grade for Ellie, and her teacher, Ms. Shieszka, had decided that they should play the name game in order for the class to get to know each other. It was simply this: you stated your name, something about yourself, and what you wanted to be when you grew up.

"Alright, well, I'm Draco, obviously, I currently have two sisters, and… I dunno what I want to be when I grow up."

"Are you sure?" the teacher persisted.

"Not a clue."

"Okay, then, why doesn't…" She scanned over the nametags she had taped to each of the desks. "…Alexander go next?" Smartass-kid's head perked up. Apparently, he had zoned out a little bit, but not enough to not know what was going on.

"…'kay," he replied after a moment's pause. "I'm Alex, I can play piano, and I wanna be a pianist." The entire class, excluding Draco, snickered.

"…Oh, _real _mature…" she heard him mutter under his breath. "It's someone who plays the piano for a living," he said loudly. "Not the male genitalia."

"What?" was the group consensus.

"Never mind…"

The rest of the day passed quickly, playing out very similarly to the first few moments, meaning that Draco had more control over the class than Ms. Shieszka. (Although he _was_ a bit more threatening, which would explain a lot.)

Eventually, the buses arrived at the building, the rushing mass of children clogging up the hallways, all of them heading to a large cafeteria. There, they waited until their bus number was called, via a chaperone using a megaphone to shout over the squeals and chatter of the kids. Then, they would head back to the now-cleared corridor, to the front of the school, and out the door. There, the bus would be waiting for them. Ellie and her brother were on bus 4.

As she entered the chaotic room, she immediately spotted her brother, sitting with his friends. He seemed to be repeatedly glancing over to a group across the cafeteria, the three children lurking in the corner. She grew concerned, but not enough to confront him. Instead, she began to make her way back towards the hallway she had just exited, as her bus had just been called. Besides, if it was _really _serious, he'd just come and talk to her, right?

"Neeeee – saaaaan…"

…Well, it must've been serious, then.

She watched him stagger over melodramatically, bumping into her for added effects.

"Nee-san-"

"Whatever it is, you probably deserved it," she said bluntly. She heard him sniffle.

"But… n-nee-san…" Great. If daddy heard him crying when they got home, Ellie'd be in for it, because her brother would immediately blame her for it. She sighed irritatedly.

"Fine. Just save it 'til we get on the bus, alright?"

"(Sniff) O-okay…"

So he waited until they had climbed aboard the bus, a metal railing their only support for the unusually high first step, and made their way to the back. They were one of the last to be picked and dropped off, so they had plenty of time.

"Alright," she began tentatively. "What's the matter?"

"Well," he began, sniffling pitifully. "A girl in my class punched me really hard-"

"What did you do?" she immediately interrupted. Generally, when it came down to these kinds of things, it was his fault.

"I didn't do nothing!" he sobbed in reply. He finally felt the angered look that was directed at him and quickly rephrased his sentence. "All I did was talk to **her**, but her friend came and hit me!!" She caught the word 'her' and knew that he was leaving some… excuse me, _most _of it out.

"You're lying," she said simply. He always pulled something like this to make it like it wasn't his fault. Daddy would always eat it up, but Mommy could see through his disguise, almost like a hawk would see its prey through the tall grass. Ellie had that talent, too.

"You've had to have to done something to… what's her name?"

"…Mali-chan."

"Right. You've had to have done something to… Mali-chan… to make her friend hit you… Where _did _she hit you, anyway?"

"_Here,_" he said pitifully, lifting up his shirt just enough to see the lovely bruise forming on his stomach.

_Ooh, that's a nasty one… _she thought, inwardly grimacing. She felt a surge of anger towards whoever had hit her idiot brother. She hated her brother, but nobody else could hate him except her.

"So who did you say hit you again?" she asked, barely containing her anger.

"I dunno…" he whined miserably.

_Geez, we can't take you anywhere, Lance, _she thought. "Don't cry, Lance. We'll sort this out tomorrow," she said, hugging him 'round the shoulder.

"(Sniff) 'kay."

Neither of them said anything after that. It was one of those things where you just knew to never speak of it in front of your parents.

So when they got off the bus, they did just that.

Spawn 5: **END**

_So, did you guess whose spawn Ellie was? No? The answer is…_

**ROY X RIZA**

And now…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

A Bonus Feature

**??- MYSTERY SPAWN -??**

_This is a very special spawn, dear readers- it's an actual character from the show!_

_The answer to this one won't be answered 'til next week, folks! It'll give you time to think about it. Plus, I need to write the next spawn. ;_

Start: **MYSTERY SPAWN 1**

He was honey blond, resembling his father.

However, his body had been altered, though if he approves of it remains to be seen.

Of his siblings, he is the eldest, and passed into another world before they did.

Who is it?


	6. Alex

Hahaha. I told you guys you'd get it today. Hurray for being on time for once! Dx

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 6: **ALEX**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

Alex always had a thing for music.

That's why when he was asked by his teacher what he wanted to be when he grew up, he immediately responded with: "I wanna be a pianist!"

…He was slightly confused at the class' sudden snickering, but his best friend told them off just as suddenly. He didn't understand what the heck 'male genitalia' was, but he was appreciative, just the same. He couldn't get why they laughed at him, though- what was so funny about playing piano? I mean, _honestly_, his music was his life, and was "a talent passed down from generation to generation," according to his enthusiastic uncle.

But… he did deserve to be mocked a little, after laughing at another kid's dream to be Class President a few minutes earlier, didn't he? He felt just a smidge guilty and vaguely wondered about apologizing.

_I'll apologize at recess, _he thought. Quite frankly, he wasn't sure of why he was doing this; he had this weird complex where he couldn't stand it if a girl was mad at him (he probably got that from his father, who's had quite a few women upset with him).

He didn't see her at recess, however, or his friend, for that matter; he lost them in the crowd of children rushing to get outside. And unfortunately, he didn't come into contact with her for the rest of the day. It bothered him immensely, but he didn't let it show when his dad came to pick him up.

A few of the kids stared in awe and envy as he clambered into the front seat of a sleek, black car.

"Hi daddy!" was his joyful greeting. His dad ruffled his sunshine blond hair affectionately.

"Hey, there, champ," was his dad's reply. "So, how was your first day?" he asked offhandedly.

"Good," he replied automatically. Well, it was good apart from the whole 'guilt trip' thing, anyway. "My teacher, Ms. Shieszka, is really nice, but she's kind of a geek." It was a good thing they were at a red light, because his dad had started laughing, and had looked away to snicker without seeing the mortified look on his son's face, which made him laugh even harder.

While he was distracted, Alex opened the glove compartment. Inside lay his dad's wallet, house keys, and two cardboard boxes no bigger than his hand. Frowning, he took them and slipped them into his blue backpack which sat at his feet, and closed the glove compartment, just as his dad started to recover.

"Light's green," he stated, his dad jerking forward, hands back on the wheel. "Daddy, why were you laughing?"

"Because it just so happens that I knew your teacher before she was a teacher," he said, grinning. Alex gasped audibly, stunned.

"R-Really?!" he asked excitedly.

"Yup," he replied, nonchalant. "She helped us out quite a bit before becoming a teacher."

"Who's 'us?'" asked the amazed Alex.

"The state." Alex gasped again. "Yeah, she helped recover the lost criminal records a while back…"

His dad's story continued until they got home, when Alex immediately sprinted up to his room on the third floor. Being an only child in a rich family, he was rather privileged. He had his own room, which connected to his personal bathroom, a play room, and a room solely for his piano and his music. He ran into his room, making sure the door was closed, and removed the two boxes he has nicked from the glove compartment from his backpack.

He glared at the larger one hatefully, almost crushing it in his hand. It was mostly turquoise, with a single phrase on the white top: New Port. He threw it aside, picking up the second, smaller box. It was emblazoned with a unique logo consisting of an imp-like creature stabbing its pitchfork menacingly through the words 'the Devi's Nest.' He poked the side of it experimentally, and a compartment began to slide out the other end, revealing several pinky-sized, wooden sticks with reddish black heads. He slid the compartment back in its place, and picked up the New Port box instead. With resolve, he marched to the toilet in his bathroom and dropped it in.

_Sorry, Dad, but this is for your own good,_ he thought sternly.

And with that, he flushed the toilet.

The next day, when it arrived at recess, his friend kept a tight but protective grip on his arm when they went outside.

"Owww…" he whined when they had gotten away. "Draco, that really hurt!!"

"Sorry," he replied, smiling apologetically. "C'mon, we're going to that tree over there," he continued, pointing to a large tree that sat on the edge of the playground.

"Why?" asked Alex.

"'Cause my sister and her friend Malice are gonna be there." Alex nodded. Draco suddenly grimaced, as if he had an unpleasant smell wafting up his nose. Alex looked at him oddly.

"Draco, what's wrong?

"Siblings are _such_ a pain," he said through gritted teeth. "I swear, this next one better be a brother or I'll be outnumbered three to one…" He continued to rant angrily under his breath, scaring the living piss out of Alex, who came very close to running away.

"…Well, if you don't want your sisters, can I have-"

"**NO**."

"What? Why?"

"Because they're _mine_." He looked at him in disbelief.

"Share!!" he exclaimed. "I don't have _any _brothers or sisters-"

"Yeah, you do," Draco interrupted. "You've got _me_. And I'll share, if you want."

"Yeah, but I don't see all the time like you would with a brother or sister…" he said sadly.

"Doesn't matter," Draco said bluntly. "You're still my brother." He paused, then sighed. "Well, at least you don't have a dad that tries to jump your mom on a daily basis." Alex looked at him, puzzled.

"…Couldn't she get out of the way?" he suggested, thinking of the jump a normal third grader would think of. Draco snorted, then laughed wildly.

"Hahaha- **NO**," he said suddenly. "**IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY**," he finished rather bitterly.

"Draco, why are you being so _weird_?" came Avarita's voice, Malice in tow.

"You'd be bitter too if they saw you walk in on them and _just kept going_…" he said darkly, his eyes developing a manic glint to them. Malice stared in horror- but not at what was left of Draco's sanity. Instead, she gaped at a horribly familiar bully, being dragged along by a girl that looked suspiciously like…

"Hey!!" Alex said suddenly. "It's that girl form our class!" He exclaimed, looking at Draco excitedly. Draco looked at him oddly.

"…Y'know what I just realized? You've got two different colored eyes."

Alex damn near fell over.

"Ooh, _really_?" Avarita cooed eagerly.

"Oh, he's right," Malice said, inspecting them with wide eyes. "One's blue, and the other's blue-green. I never saw that before."

"Excuse me," said the girl behind Avarita and Malice, whom Alex remembered as Ellie. "But I think that _someone-_" She stared at an oblivious Avarita menacingly. "-owes my brother an apology." She dragged forward the brother in question, who winced and whined a little bit.

Avarita seemed to realize that she was referring to her, and the expression on her face turned to one of vicious intent, like a cornered, maddened cat.

"No," she began, her pupils turning to slits. "No. Not until _he _says 'sorry' to Mali-chan!!"

"I didn't do anything!!" he defended. His sister tightened her grip on his arm.

"Lance," she warned, restraint apparent in her voice.

"Ellie, it's not _my _fault that she's such a-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, as Avarita flat-out punched him in the face. Immediately Alex and Malice flew forward to restrain her. He saw Ellie slap her brother.

"Gee, and you _wonder_ why her friend hit you! Nice going, Lance!" she blurted out. He began to tear up. She flew from fury to panic. "I-I didn't mean it- Don't cry, Lance-!" Too late; a few tears had made their way down his cheeks, though he had yet to make a sound other than sniffling. Malice bit her bottom lip, then looked up to Alex, with whom she still held back the thrashing Avarita.

"Um… could you…?"

"Sure, no problem," he responded, understanding her perfectly. He took Ava's other arm as soon as Malice released it, Ava still struggling, but having quieted down a bit.

She very gently released Lance from his sister's grip.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you," she said. Alex wasn't sure who that was directed at; perhaps it was to all of them. She then turned her full attention to Lance.

"Where does it hurt the most? Show me." Confused, but steadily calming down, he pointed to the red mark just under his left eye. Then, so unexpectedly that he didn't have the sense to move, she chastely kissed the very spot. Instantly, the irritated mark went away, only to be replaced by a strawberry-colored blush.

Out of nowhere, Draco laughed.

"Your name's _Malice_, and yet you have _healing_ powers. _How ironic_."

Distracted, Alex let Ava go, and she immediately clung to Malice's arm, glaring at Lance jealously. He turned to Draco.

"…Why didn't you do anything?"

"I figured the issue would sort itself out."

And again, Alex came dangerously close to falling over out of pure disbelief. How could he be so…

"Weren't you going to apologize to her?" he said offhandedly.

"Oh! Right!" He turned to Ellie. "Sorry for picking on you yesterday." She sighed.

"It's fine. Now if you'll excuse me…" And with that, she left, leaving Lance behind, who was still blushing like mad. Draco seemed to ignore as he said to Alex "Hey, do you wanna come over after school tomorrow?" Alex cocked his head to the side.

"I don't know if my parents would-"

"We have a piano."

Okay!!"

Spawn 6: **END**

_So, did you guess whose spawn Alex was? No? The answer is…_

**JEAN X CATHERINE**

And now…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

A Bonus Feature

**??- MYSTERY SPAWN -??**

_I bet you've all been wondering about who it was. Well, here's the answer!_

**Mystery Spawn 1**_ was in fact…_

**ENVY**

_Congratulations to those to got it right!_

_And congratulations to _**Shoushin**, _who guessed it right first __and__ gets a giftart of their favorite spawn! (The link to which will be found in my profile. Send me a PM of who you want drawn, okay?)_


	7. Invidia

Augh. Sorry for being ridiculously late… again. Dx

SCHOOL SUCKS THE LIFE OUTTA ME LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. I actually finished writing this_ months_ ago, but because of school, I didn't have time, and when I _did _have time, I spent it sleeping to try 'n recover. DDx

Worked just enough to type this at what, nearly midnight? Dx

So, yeah, there's my excuse.

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 7: **INVIDIA**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

Invidia was always sickly, and caught disease or virus easily.

Now, this was odd, considering that her father was incredibly durable, and that both her brother and twin sister were both extremely athletic.

…But it wasn't once you saw that her mother was sensitive to the cold due to her unique blood.

That's why it came to no surprise when she missed the first few days of school. This upset her very greatly, but she was consoled by the fact that both her broth and sister were bringing a friend home from school to cheer her up. And so, she wait patiently for them, hiding under a blanket on the couch, sitting on her mother's lap as she read a book. She leant on her right shoulder and kept a pale, protective hand on her mother's growing belly, which had begun to show a few weeks ago.

_We'll name her 'Wadjet,' _she thought, green irises watching it closely. _That way we'll have two named after Mommy and two after Daddy. _She pulled the blanket further over her and her future sibling, messy, reddish-black hair falling in her face. But she didn't mind- it really didn't bother her.

"Vee, what're you doing?" her mother asked, snickering a bit. Invidia poked her head out from under the blanket.  
"Hiding with Wadjet," she replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"'Wadjet?'" she said skeptically. "Where'd you come up with that, Vee?"

"It's the name of the Ishballan (read: Egyptian) snake goddess," she replied smartly. "I learned it from one of Uncle Doc's mythology books." Her mother raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, the door behind them burst open.

"Vee-chyaaaan!" called her rambunctious twin.

"Ava-chyaaaan!" was her enthusiastic reply, all but leaping over the back of the couch to see her sister enter first through the back door. 'Ava-chan' damn near tackled her to the ground with the way she launched herself at her. But the couch interfered, and it wasn't so. However, she did cling to her sister, squealing "Vee-chan, I missed you _so much!_" much to the slight annoyance of her mother, and of her brother, whom had entered with two more kids a moment later. One looked mildly confused, and the other horrified beyond rational thought. Her brother walked around to the front of the couch, disregarding his sisters' squeals, and hugged his mother, closely followed by the two guests.

"Hi mum," was his muffled greeting as he buried his face in the blanket that remained on her. She put her book down and hugged back.

"Hey Draco," She rubbed his back appreciatively, and chuckled when she saw that Invidia and Avarita clung to her rather possessively.

"Mommy's _mine_," Ava and Vee chimed in creepily perfect unison.

"Don't be silly," Draco retorted, removing his face from the blanket, but keeping a firm hold around his mother. "_I'm _the _oldest_, so Mum's _mine._" She sighed, as if this sort of thing happened all the time, which it probably did. The three of them were forcibly removed from her, but Vee remained resilient and got back on her lap. Ava stuck her tongue out at her. The gesture was returned.

"So I take it that you're Malice, and you're Alex?" she asked calmly. Malice nodded distractedly, and Alex replied with a cheerful "yup!"

"Mali-chan-" Ava started.

"-what's wrong?" Vee finished. Malice cocked her head to the side ever so slightly, and strode forward, gently removing both the blanket and Vee from her lap.

"Can I… touch it?" she asked strangely, watching the future spawn with great concentration.

"Um, okay?" she replied questioningly. Malice put her small, pale hands on her belly, closing her eyes. Her brow furrowed.

"I can't tell what it is…" she said, somewhat strained. "It keeps saying it's a boy, but it feels like it should be a girl…" The mother in question raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, then," she said, giving Malice a weird look.

"Why don't we go to my room, Alex?" asked Draco, breaking the awkward silence.

"We're coming, too!" said Vee and Ava. Ava hastily ran towards the hallway Draco and Avarita entered, leaving Vee and Malice in the dust. Malice was about to make her way over there as well, when-

"Carry me," ordered Vee, holding her arms out.

"Oh, for _god's sake_, Invidia! Just _walk-_ it's _right there!_" exclaimed her mother.

"No!" she refused. "Mali-chan has to carry me!" Mali-chan looked excruciatingly confused, but did as she was told; picking up Vee like one would a toddler and carrying her to the hallway. Vee immediately wrapped her arms around her neck but was careful not to choke her, placing her head in the nape of her neck. She felt warmth creep up Malice's neck to her cheeks.

"You're very strong, Mai-chan," commented Vee, loving every second she spent in the lavishing heat.

"N-No, you're just very light," the ever-modest Malice replied.

"Nuh-uh- Mama can't carry me like you can- I'm too heavy." _Ah_, her warmth was _delicious_…

"Well, she-" She gasped suddenly; she had seen something yellow-eyed scuttle away down the darker end of the hallway. Vee only knew that she had seen this something because she felt the familiar heat emanating from it. (Being a quarter snake, she could do things like that.) "W-Who was- What was-?"

"There's Draco's room," Vee interrupted, pointing at a door to their left. Puzzled, Malice strode into the room indicated, closing the door behind her. Avarita was hanging off the edge of a bed that sat on the left of the room, swinging her arms and nearly hitting Draco (who sat on the floor in front of her) several times. Alex sat across from him, and was the first to greet them as they entered.

"What took you so long?"

…Well, if you could _call _it a greeting. Draco looked up at them, sighed, and stood up, walking towards them.

"Vee… Why did you make Malice carry you?" Draco asked slowly.

"'Cause I wanted to see if she was a good person," Vee replied simply. He sighed again, taking her from Malice, despite a pouting Vee, and sat down again.

"Sorry about that. Vee likes to think she can read people's minds."

"Nuh-uh! I can read their _hearts_, Draco, not their minds!" she objected from her place on Draco's lap. "The heart controls the flow of blood in your body, so I can read emotions based on how fast or slow it's going. If it's hot, it's going really fast, and if it's slow-"

"-What does that have to do with seeing if they're a good person?" Alex asked, looking rather befuddled. Vee pouted at him angrily.

"Lemme finish!" she exclaimed. How dare he interrupt her! _Honestly! _"I can see if someone's a good person by feeling the warmth that comes from their blood when it's flowing normally."

"…What?" Alex looked a little scared as he said this. Vee nearly slapped her forehead out of pure frustration.

"Take for example, Mali-chan," she started, beginning to display the truly frightening depths of an intelligence a six-year-old should not have. "She's very warm, which means her blood flows a little faster than most. That comes from her being timid and nervous…" Malice unintentionally blushed. "…but it's not uncomfortable. In fact, it's rather yummy." Vee was totally unaware that she had just smirked rather perversely. But so were the others, because they didn't really recognize something such as perversion, except, perhaps, for Draco (poor kid). "…But another example of warmth would be Uncle Zolf. He's very warm, but it's really uncomfortable. Not pleasant at all."

"How so?" asked Alex, who was really getting into this.

"It's like…" Vee lifted her hands unconsciously to help describe what she wanted to say. "…It's like a really, really hot night in the middle of the summer, and it's so hot that it keeps you awake and you're all like 'Why, God, why?!' 'cause it's really humid and sweaty and gross…"

He nodded eagerly.

…_creak-_

Malice jerked her head around, and backed up a little bit. Vee saw the fear in her eyes before she had turned, and looked to see what had made the door open.

The yellow eyes from before were there, peeking in innocently.

"Romie!!" Vee/Ava squealed happily. The yellow eyes widened in fear, an 'OHSHIT' sort-of-look plastered all over them.

"'Roh-mee'?" questioned Alex. Draco rubbed his temples with one hand as Vee and Ava continued to squee.

"It's short for 'Romulus,'" Draco explained. "He's Uncle Zolf's kid."

"Whuh-Why didn't we see him before?" Malice stuttered nervously.

"Because… because he's sick," he slowly explained.

"Sick like Vee-chan?" Ava asked innocently.

"Well, yes, he does have a cold, but that wasn't the 'sick' I meant. It's a different sort of sick." He tried to say the last few words as gently as possible.

"You mean like, he's insane?

But that proved to be useless, thanks to Alex.

"…Yes, Alex, he's insane… unstable…" He rambled on rather exasperatedly, muttering things like "It'd be a miracle if anyone here _wasn't _insane…"

"But Romie's been really good all this month-" Vee started.

"-Can't we let him in?" Ava continued. They both finished with "It'd be really good for him!" Draco made an odd, irritated sound, one that sounded suspiciously like a growl.

"_Fine. _But don't try to hug him or anything; his cold is still contagious, I think."

"Yay!!" Ava dragged him in and Vee tackled him. He caught her, but stumbled and fell on his butt.

"_What did I just say about hugging him?!"_

"Meh! You're just _jealous_, Draco!" exclaimed Vee from her new place on Romulus's lap. He (Romulus) looked rather perturbed, but did not protest, and allowed Vee to reestablish herself on his lap. Vee turned herself around so that her back was leaning on Romulus, and that his long, rather unruly hair dangled over her head.

"Oh, _poor Draco!_" Ava cooed, the sarcasm dripping from her voice like water from a faucet.

"I am not!!" he protested, acting his age for once. Alex, Ava, and Vee snickered at him. Malice giggled a little bit. 'Romie' just stared straight ahead in what appeared to be utter boredom. "Anyway…" continued Draco, completely ignoring what had just happened. "Now… Before we were _interrupted_…" He glared not-so-subtly at Vee, who really didn't care. "What was I saying?"

"…You were saying something about going to the park down the street?" Alex suggested vaguely.

"Ah, yes, thank you, Alex," said Draco, regaining his composure. "So how do you guys feel about that?"

"Sounds good," said Ava.

"Definitely," agreed Vee. "Don't you think so, Romie?" Romie made a noncommittal grunt. "…Romie says 'yes,'" translated the twins.

"Fine with me," said Alex, shrugging.

"Ah… S-sure…" stuttered the ever-timid Malice, who was still a little rattled by Romie's presence.

"Alright, then," replied Draco, getting up. "I'll check and see if it's okay with Mum. Vee, go get dressed- you can't exactly run around in your pajamas, now, can you?" he pointed out.

"'Kay," said Vee. She turned and clung to Romie, who in turn got up and carried her to her room with a dull expression. She changed, Romie waiting outside the door obediently until she returned. Together, they went back to Draco's room.

Draco had returned by then, and Ava, Malice, and Alex were all ready to go.

"Mum said it's okay," he began. "But Uncle Doro's coming with us to make sure we don't do anything dumb." He stared very obviously at Avarita as he said this. She was oblivious, as per usual. "Vee, you're going to have to walk there, 'cause it's going to look a little odd if Romulus is carrying you."

"Then Uncle Doro will carry me!" was her automatic response. Alex snickered.

"Can't you walk by _yourself?_" he gibed, the snarky side of his nature revealing itself for the second time in this fiction.

"Of course I can!!" she retorted. "I just don't wanna!"

"No you can't!" he exclaimed. "You're a liar!" Draco gave him a stern, warning look, then took Vee from Romie. Vee saw him pout, much like that of a spoiled child, from her looking over Draco's shoulder.

_I win,_ she thought, inwardly grinning. Vee may've been sick as anything, but her cunning greatly overshadowed it (although no one really saw this).

"I'm only carrying you to the end of the block, alright?" Draco stated very clearly, cutting through her thoughts.

"Okay."

With that settled, they went back to the door they had entered, where 'Uncle Doro' stood there, waiting. Romie tackled one of his legs, and clung to it for a minute or so, even as he staggered to keep his balance, He blushed slightly, and, looking around awkwardly, patted him on the head. He accepted this and let go of his leg, but adamantly grabbed his hand, his pinkish-peach child's fingers clutching at it tightly.

"Okay. Let's go," he said in a quiet-but-firm tone.

So they left the Devil's Nest, with Draco and Vee leading, and everyone else following behind.

"…_You can talk?!_" Alex had the most disturbed-but-excited look on his face, which was greatly complemented by his jaw dragging along the ground. Romie just looked at him.

"…What kind of question is that?" he asked skeptically. Alex looked at him as if he had just done a back flip.

"He did it _again!!_" he exclaimed, pointing at him incredulously.

"Please excuse him; he's a bit of an idiot," apologized Draco from the front.

"I've already established that," he said, grimacing. He didn't speak another word, even as they neared the park's playground, where a brightly colored jungle gym sat.

Draco had conveniently forgotten to put Vee down at the end of the first block. He quickly amended this, before anyone (read: Alex) became fully aware of this. Vee, also realizing that both hers and her brother's ego was in jeopardy, did her job by distracting everyone and saying "Mali-chan! Play 'watermelon' with me on the slide!" Malice was rather confused at this.

"…what?" Avarita gasped.

"How could you _not _know-"

"-how to play watermelon?!" the twins cried in disbelief.

"Calm down," Draco ordered, effectively sedating the both of them. "Why don't you _teach _her how to play?" Immediately, both twins dragged her over to the huge, yellow slide, the others following much more calmly.

"This is how you play, Mali-chan!" they began to explain. Ava called to Draco and Romie while Vee continued.

"First, one kid goes down the slide and stays at the bottom." Ava pushed a disgruntled Draco down the tunnel-like slide, who yelled in surprise (Draco, not the slide). "Then another kid," She (Ava) pushed a very bored-looking Romie down the slide. "And another," Ava snickered and pretty much threw herself into the tunnel. "And you just keep adding kids until the one on the end falls off." Then, releasing a manic cackle, Vee followed her twin and went down the dark, smooth slope to about two thirds of the way down, bumping into Ava, who bumped into Romie, who bumped Draco off the end. Draco landed rather ungracefully on his rear end, muttering to himself.

Then he ran back up and went down again in hopes of knocking Romie off.

This continued for another 2 hours or so, until 'Uncle Doro' decided it was time to go back; it _was _getting late, after all. He gathered up the kids (with the help of Romie), and they started to head back down the block. Vee attached herself to Romie, who managed to carefully hold her up and keep a rather possessive grip on their supervisor's hand.

Alex snickered.

"_What?_" Vee accused, glaring at him. He smirked smugly.

"Nothing, nothing," he replied oh-so-calmly, goading her more and more. "I just thought you would last a little _longer_, is all."

It was then that Vee snapped.

"Romie, put me down," she ordered with an air of command that only the Führer should have. He did so, and stopped, forcing 'Uncle Doro' and the rest of the group to stop.

"Oh, this should be good," Vee heard Draco mutter.

"Race me," she challenged. "I'll even say you win if it's a tie." He took the bait.

"Fine," he replied, smirking. "Back to your house, right?"

"Right. Oh, and I'm giving you a five-second head start, 'cause you're gunna need it."

"Hmm, _right_."

"I'll say when to start," Draco said. "The starting line is the divide in the sidewalk right here," he continued, pointing it out. "I suggest you all step back," he said to the group. "Alright, guys, get ready."

"Get set,"

"Go!!"

Alex ran off like a jackrabbit, and Vee crouched down, counting to herself. Then, suddenly she launched, and practically _flew_ over the ground with the speed she was going. Within no time, she already passed a stunned Alex, who quickly redoubled his efforts.

He shouldn't have bothered, though. He was going to fail miserably and he knew it.

Vee had already caught her breath by the time Alex made it back. He leant against the door, panting heavily.

"That… th-that was… amazing!" he managed to gasp out between breaths.

_It _better_ have been_, she thought.

"Let's go inside, 'Lex; your dad's probably going to be here soon," she advised. Then suddenly, she convulsed, a coughing fit racking her small frame. She gasped erratically multiple times, until Romie came a-runnin', scooped her up, and ran inside. She may've had the speed of a cheetah on steroids, but she still had the stamina of a small, sickly child.

But she'd get over that.

Hopefully sometime soon.

Spawn 7: **END**

_So, did you guess whose spawn Invidia was? No? The answer is…_

**GREED X MARTA**

Alright, that's enough. No more GreedXMarta spawn. (For now…. (evil smirk)) Gaaah poor Marta. Anyway, the giftart from last time was long since finished, and the link's in my profile- I was just not motivated to type, okay? Dx

And I promise you, this'll be the only time I say this:

REVIEEEEEEEW. Dx


	8. Shiva

It's like three in the morning

It's like three in the morning. I finished this months ago.

But I'm terrible with updates, so I might as well not bother.

**WARNING:**

**The following fiction contains…**

**-Crack Pairings**

**-Spawn**

**-Swearing Seven-year-olds **

**-A Ridiculously Angry author**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and everything._

_(Translation: I do not own FMA. However, I do own the spawn.)_

From the deep, dank bowels of her mind…

Kibou-Greenbird presents:

**ATTACK OF THE SPAWN!**

_(In Technicolor)_

Spawn 8: **SHIVA**

_See if you can guess the pairing!_

There was a boy.

A very strange, _enchanted_ boy. They say he wandered very far… very far, over land and sea.

A little shy, and sad of eye, but very wise was he.

And then one day- a _magic_ day- he passed my way, and while we spoke of many things (fools and kings), this he said to me:

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."

Shiva was what you'd call an 'idealist.' He had optimistic, almost _bohemian _beliefs- which was odd, considered that both his parents were rather pessimistic (especially his father).

He believed in many sacred principles, among them truth, beauty, freedom, and above all things, love.

…although… He was pretty much by himself on that one. Granted, his peers were only seven or eight (himself being six), so it wasn't really all that surprising. They really were too young to truly understand or appreciate such things. But _he_ did, though. _He_ understood them _perfectly_. _Especially_ love. He knew _everything_ about love. He knew that love is a many-splendored thing; love lifts us up where we belong- all you need is love!"

Shiva received some strange stares from the kids in front of him. Oh, no- was he talking to himself again? He really had to stop doing that. It made him seem a bit odd… Not that he wasn't odd already, but… It made him seem _more_ odd. Odder. Whatever.

This would explain why no one sat with him. In fact, he sat by himself, in the back of the classroom, nose in a book. He had become the master of multitasking this way- one minute the teacher thinks he's not paying attention, the next minute his red-headed, red-eyed self was answering nearly every single question, without even looking up.

This was precisely how he able to notice the two unfamiliar children enter the classroom. This was odd… He hadn't seen them all last week. And it was the first week of school, too; he should've seen them at least _once_. And he would've _remembered_ seeing them- they sort of stuck out. Well, for one, the one kid- a little girl with dark, reddish pigtails- was riding along on another kid's back. The second child was a little (not really) boy, with… strangely enough, yellow eyes (not that his bloody, war-stained eyes were any different), and unruly, ash-blond hair half-assedly pulled into a short, almost foofy ponytail. He seemed rather _miffed_ about something.

_Perhaps the little girl made him carry her? _he thought. The teacher became rather miffed herself. Carrying your classmate wasn't proper conduct, apparently. _Not likely_, he amended, watching the boy refuse to put her down. It was more of… more of a very obvious statement than a refusal. He simply _looked_ at their teacher and his wolfish, canine eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly into a subtle, perfected glare. Shiva was fairly sure that he heard a quiet growl. The teacher backed off slightly; just enough for wolf boy to carry missy to her seat.

Which just happened to be right next to him.

Huh.

Wait, what?

"Whuh-whuh-whuh-what?!" he spluttered out.

"What? Our nametags are here," the girl pointed out, pointing both to her own nametag and to her companion's. Hers read 'Invidia…' Huh. Seemed that the last name had a smudge on it. His read 'Romulus Kimbley.'

"Huh. What an odd name," Shiva said without thinking. "I- I mean-!"

"Which one?" 'Invidia' asked boredly, picking at the dead skin near one of her fingernails.

"Probably mine," 'Romulus' said conclusively. "Your last name's pretty normal."

"I can't read it, it's all smudged…"

"Really? You really can't? 'Cause it's-"

**BRRRRNNNNG-**

"…Wow, you're right. That _is_ pretty normal compared with 'Kimbley.' 'Cause y'know, 'Kimbley' sorta sounds like the last name that a psycho killer would have." Romulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Qu'est-que c'est?" Invidia giggled.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing…" she sighed, muttering something about 'talking heads.'

"Class, get to your seats, the bell has rung," their teacher commanded rather impatiently. She had set a schedule for the class on the first day (being the hard-ass she was) and sought to _keep_ that schedule running as perfectly (and as annoyingly anal) as possible. Thus, the class had come to rely on Shiva, the designated bookworm, to answer all or most of the questions.

But it would seem that this girl aimed to take his title. No, really, she was. 'Cause every time he opened his mouth to answer a question, or even raised his hand, she cut him off. And she pretty much just kicked his ass every time.

"Four times two?"

"Eigh-"

"Eight!"

"Four times three?"

"Twel-"

"Twelve!"

They were doing multiplication tables that day.

"Four times four?"

"Six-"

"Sixteen!"

But the teacher apparently saw this competition of theirs and upped the ante a bit.

"…Four times negative twenty-three?"

Just a bit."

"Negative ninety-two!" Invidia exclaimed happily.

The entirety of the class (and Shiva) merely gawked at her.

She had just relieved him of his title without even _trying_. This was… rather depressing, to say the least. So depressing, in fact, that Shiva stopped trying. He pretty much just moped around the rest of the day.

Or at least until the end of the day, anyway. It was around this time he, being too distracted by being so mopey, ended up tripping over his own feet on the way to his cubby on the other side of the room. Hell, he didn't even make it past his _chair_.

He lay there, flat on his stomach when he heard some amused, childish giggling (probably at his expense). He looked up just in time to see Romulus sigh, and bend over to help him up. He extended his hand, but Shiva was interested by the fact that Romulus was wearing clothes that were much, _much_ too large for him. He was practically _drowning _in them. Plus, the neck hole was stretched and stretched beyond belief. So when he bent over, his shirt was _gaping_ open from the neck hole, and…

He was... very… very _cold_, apparently. Maybe. Possibly. Not surprising really, considering the teacher was an A/C freak. _But doesn't that only happen to girls? _he thought, vaguely remembering a passage from a medical book his mother had, erherm, '_procured_.' He became acutely aware (not of Romulus's rather impatient/puzzled look) that his pants only fit him just so- they all but _dangled_ from his hips. He was positive that, with any sudden movement- any at all- they'd just drop, and-

He became terribly aware that his face was horribly, hideously, uncomfortably warm.

Oh- oh, my.

It seemed that he had much to learn about love after all.

Spawn 8: **END**

_So, did you guess whose spawn Invidia was? No? The answer is…_

**SCAR X SHIEZSKA **

_(or however the fuck you spell it)_


End file.
